totallytinab

I made it home from the hospital but the recovery was just beginning.  I was wearing a neck brace.  I was still in a tremendous amount of pain.  I was having trouble swallowing.  I was tired.  But I was home and I wasn’t paralyzed so there was a lot of reason for optimism.  My mom flew in from Myrtle Beach to help with my recovery and to give Dan a little break.  Those first few days, I did a lot of sleeping and watching TV.  I was told by the doctor to start walking.  He wanted me to work up to 60 minutes per day.  Those first few days, it was all I could do to get out of bed.  The hallway in our house is about 15 paces long and that is where I started.  I would pace the hallway two or three times and have to rest for an hour.   Eventually, my mom and I made it outdoors.  I am now walking 3-4 miles each day.

There were several other issues that needed to be addressed.  I was not allowed to carry anything over 5 pounds.  Do you realize how little 5 pound is?  It meant I could not open the front or back doors.  I could not pull out the chair at our kitchen table.  I could not carry my laptop.  Everything had to be done for me.  I am what some (Dan) would call slightly stubborn and I like things done a certain way.  This was hard for me!  I had to give up all control.  There was also the issue of my neck brace.  I had to wear it 24/7.  I had to sleep lying flat on my back, but I could use pillows.  Dan was the best at fixing my pillows just right.  Wearing the neck brace also meant showering in it.  Dan and I had a pretty good system and he bought me a shower chair because I grew tired very quickly.  There was also my swallowing difficulty. Eating and taking my medicine was a challenge. My pills needed to be crushed and I found if I put them in ice cream, they tasted pretty good.  I didn’t eat much but I started drinking an Ensure each morning to be sure to get the proper nutrition.  There were plenty of positives though.  I lost weight and my nails started to grow.  I learned that a kind word can make all of the difference in the world and that my friends and family are the best!  I had a steady stream of house guests after my mom left to take care of me including my sister, my best friend, my mother-in-law and my father-in law. I only had a few down moments.  One in particular was when we had to send our puppy to live in New Jersey for a short while. But for the most part I stayed positive throughout.

Me in my neck brace

After 8 weeks, I was finally able to take off the neck brace! I was under the illusion that as soon as it was off, I would be good to go. However, the recovery has been quite slow.  I have had to be very patient.  I am still in pain and take 6-8 Tylenol a day (I got off of the hard stuff around the time my brace was removed) My neck movement is limited. I can move my head up and down pretty well but my side to side movement is limited and probably will be forever. I still have trouble swallowing. (I eat ice cream every day and have lost 15-20 pounds since this whole thing happened) I haven’t been able to work but hope to return soon. My days consist of walks with my dog, surfing the internet, Rosetta Stone, and mahjong tiles. But I am getting better. Just this week, I hit some golf balls and went to the gym. I am planning on trying to play tennis this weekend. One day soon my life will return to being somewhat “normal” I am ready for that day!

My husband picked me up at the airport and we went immediately to the Mayo clinic, x-rays from Mexico in hand.  I was still in severe pain but happy to be home and see Dan.  There wasn’t much of a wait on a Saturday night and we were given a holding room pretty much right away. They took  new x-rays and gave me a MRI. We waited quite awhile for the results and even had a little food. Finally, the doctor came in and said “You have a broken neck and are lucky not to be paralyzed” Wow-what a shock!! I knew I was hurt and was hurt pretty badly but never did I think it was this bad. Stuff like this happens to other people, not me. He gave us a prescription for stronger medicine, a bigger and more sturdy neck brace and told us to come back Monday and see a specialist. He told me to lay flat on my back with no pillows and that I would be in this awful brace for 8-12 weeks. Dan and I went home and couldn’t believe what we were told. That night was extremely difficult. I was in tremendous pain. I was so scared that if I made a wrong move I would be paralyzed so I kept wiggling my fingers and toes to be sure they were moving. The next morning, Dan went out to fill my prescription and the doctor that I was to see Monday called. He had looked at my MRI and suggested that I go to the Barrow Neurology Institute at St. Joseph’s Hospital. When Dan returned home, we got in the car and drove to St. Joe’s. They were waiting for me and I was soon admitted. I don’t remember a whole lot, just that they gave me some morphine and I was finally able to sleep a little bit. I was transferred from one room to another and soon given the room I would be in for the next 4 days. I only realized later that I was in the ICU. The nurses were incredible! I think from watching Grey’s Anatomy I had this illusion that the doctors would be in the room the whole time, but it’s really the nurses that take care of you. I was hooked up to all kinds of machines and checked on each hour.

After having a CAT scan and an MRI, it was determined that I would need surgery to fuse the top couple of vertebrae and that two rods would be inserted to stabilize my neck.  In addition, they would be using my floating rib (which I didn’t even know I had!) to help with the fusion.  Surgery was scheduled for January 18 and would take 3-4 hours.  The surgery went well and didn’t take quite as long as they originally thought.  What I remember is waking up from anesthesia and going a little crazy trying to escape. I was trapped in the Mario Brothers video game-so weird I know!! By all accounts the surgery went well.  I was up and walking the next day and released from the hospital January 21, just 3 days after surgery wearing a new neck brace and knowing that my life would never be the same.

Many of you know the story of how I went on vacation and came home with a broken neck, but for those of you who do not…

A friend from my LPGA days has a time-share and invited me and two others for a week of  relaxation, fun and sun in Mexico.  We were in Nuevo Vallarta at a really nice resort and having a great time.  I was working out each morning and then spending the rest of the day trying to even out my tan lines at the pool.  The weather was beautiful as was the pool with its swim up bar, its lazy river, and its big slide.  It was fun to reconnect with old friends and there were laughs all around.  Wednesday, January 12th was a pretty normal day.  We decided that we would stay in that night and just order pizza and drink some of the beer and wine in our hotel room refrigerator.  Just before leaving the pool, we decided to play in a ping-pong tournament.  I was the 3rd of 4 eliminated and saw my other 2 friends swimming in the pool.  So I decided to join them for one last dip before going back to the room.  I dove into the shallow water and hit my head. Looking back I don’t remember what I was thinking. I replay that dive over and over.  I was just being a little goofy and going to join my friends in the pool.  I do remember hitting my head, but came up from the water right away.  The friend that was not swimming told me to get out of the pool because my head was bleeding.  My friends called the hotel doctor and tried to stop the bleeding.  I ran through a whole range of emotions.  I was upset that I was hurt.  I was scared being in another country.  My head was starting to hurt.  My neck was starting to hurt.  And I was embarrassed that I had done this.  I was given 7 stitches in the top of my head and then taken to a hospital for x-rays. The x-rays were negative.  The doctors gave me a neck brace and some medication.  They told me to try to move my head as much as I could to try to loosen what we thought was maybe really tight muscles or at worse a whip-lash.  I spoke to my husband and he urged me to come home.  I was in such pain that I really didn’t think I could fly home yet.  I thought that by Saturday when we were due to fly home, the pain would be less severe. So I spent the rest of my vacation laying in bed watching movies in Spanish and being barely able to move. We did end up changing my flight home so that I would be flying with one of my friends. She was a great help as I made my way through the airport in a wheelchair. The flight home was really tough but after 3 of the longest hours of my life I was home.

So I now had what I call my first job ever.  I played golf for a living but never once did it feel like a job.  I never saw myself standing on a lesson tee and working for The First Tee of Phoenix is so much more than that.  The First Tee’s mission is “to impact the lives of young people by providing educational programs that build character, instill life enhancing values and promote healthy choices through the game of golf”  We help kids become better people and we use golf to do so in a way that is really fun!  I work about 30 hours a week (although I am now on a medical “sabbatical”-details on that in the next blog) which gives me time to do other things.  There are so many positives about my job.  The people I work with are fun, energetic, and creative.  I get to be outside.  I get to give back to the game I love and has given me so much.  We get paid to go bowling, ice skating, swimming, and tons of other cool things. But the  best part and the most rewarding by far is seeing the how the kids grow both as golfers and people.

When I played on the LPGA tour, I basically ran my own business.  I made my own schedule.  I was the boss.  Now I have like 5 bosses all of whom are younger than me.  I am in charge of no one and have limited responsibility.  I  get to do fun stuff but I also have to do things like sort through golf balls, clean bathrooms, and wash windows.   I am still waiting to be promoted into a more challenging position.  At times, I get frustrated I am not doing more or making more money.  I still look around for other opportunities that might come my way.  But I really do like what I do and am committed to doing it to the best of my ability.

After retiring in the Fall of 2007, I lived the life of leisure for a little while.  I hung out at home.  D and I traveled to Italy which was awesome!  I was happy to be living a “normal life.”   I spent my days working out.  I took up tennis. I started hiking. I went to the movies.  I volunteered for Big Brothers & Big Sisters.  I traveled some more. But  I quickly discovered that something was missing.  I realized that at 41 years old, I needed to find another passion.  I always thought I’d have kids and retirement would mean being a full-time Mom.  That was not in the cards for me and D.  It’s the one thing I wish I had done differently and my biggest regret.  At almost 45, my time is done so I like I said, I needed to find something.  The question was what?

I decided to start to look for a job.  I got my resume together and sent it to several golf organizations throughout Arizona.  My thought was that I’d like to run tournaments.  I had been playing in golf tournaments since I was 12.  It is what I knew.  I am also a very organized person with a strong attention to detail.  I am a hard worker. What I didn’t have and still don’t is excellent computer skills.  Sure I can surf the internet and write a blog, but when I went to college, we had typewriters!  I quickly realized that while I was dedicating myself to trying to win golf tournaments, the world had learned Excel, Word, Publisher and Outlook.  I also did not network nearly enough during my playing career.  Like I said, I was singularly focused on trying to play good golf.  I thought that when I retired that would be it.  Wrong!!  So after lots of rejections and searching the internet for jobs I was not qualified for, I found something that just might be a fit.  The First Tee of Phoenix was hiring.  I sent my resume, made a follow-up call and got an interview.  It was my first interview ever! (Something friends can not believe but absolutely true.) I started working at The First Tee in September of 2008.

I interrupt the story of my life to talk a little hockey. My love of hockey started when the Phoenix Coyotes moved to Arizona in 1996. My husband wanted to get season tickets so we split them three ways that first year. He grew up watching hockey back east and liked the game. He was even at the 1980 Olympic pre-game against the Soviets. (The one USA lost like 8-1) Anyway, I remember going to our 1st pre-season game and thinking “Cool-its a lot like soccer but faster.” The following year we split the season tickets with one other person and in year 3, they were all ours! I was hooked. The Phoenix Coyotes are my team. Right now we are battling the Detroit Red Wings in the playoffs and are down 3-0. I guess that’s why hockey is on my mind.

I never really ice skated growing up. I remember going a couple of times but could never stay on my feet and it was way too cold. I don’t remember following hockey at all. The Washington Capitals were the closest NHL team to Baltimore. We did have the Skipjacks, a minor league team. I had heard of Wayne Gretzky. But that was the extent of my knowledge. My family were basketball fans

D and I at a hockey game this season

and I used to watch basketball every night of the week. I loved the Maryland Terps. I loved Michael Jordan. I loved the Phoenix Suns. Over time, I grew tired of basketball and I haven’t watched a full game all year. My passion was now hockey.

Why hockey? Its fast, its tough. Guys stick up for one another. There is nothing like the elation when a goal is scored and deflation when the opponent scores. There is no I in team in hockey. Guys deflect credit EVERY time they are interviewed. There is a captain and it means something. There is a guy standing in the net willing to stop a puck traveling 100mph. There is another guy willing to block that same puck by laying out on the ice. There is beer and soft pretzel rods and macho nachos. There is high fiving with strangers and getting to know the season ticket holders who sit next to you 41 nights a year.

So who knows what might happen tomorrow night at the game? We may get beat again, we may win and send it to game 5 in Detroit. We may come back and win 4 straight for the biggest comeback in sports. What I do know, is that the ride I have enjoyed for 15 years might be over tomorrow night and that makes me really sad. There is talk of moving the team back to Winnipeg. Hockey in the desert is a tough sell. We have been through a few different owners that have lost a lot of money. We thought it was all resolved but it’s dragged on and now they are a lot of rumors. But for those of us who love the Coyotes, it has been an awesome ride. Please stay, work this deal out. Hockey can work in the desert and this team and its fans deserve a good owner who is willing to try to win a Stanley Cup!

Once I started taking lessons from DeDe, I had a real direction in my game. I was happy on and off of the golf course. I moved to Arizona full-time in 1992 and was married in November of 1993. Life was good. There were good and bad times on the course. But for the most part I was happy and making a nice living. I got myself into contention several times each year. I was able to travel to places I’d only dreamt about and really enjoyed seeing new cultures in far away lands. I worked hard on my game. My main goal was to never have the regret that I hadn’t put in the effort.

Tragedy struck and my teacher DeDe Owens died suddenly of a heart attack in May of 1999. Ironically, this was my best year financially ever on tour. I am convinced I had an angel sitting on my shoulders throughout that year. I made 24/28 cuts, had 6 top ten finishes and finished 2nd 3 times including a playoff loss to Annika Sorenstam where I played 21 holes, had 21 pars and was beaten on the 3rd hole extra hole.

I never played as well for some reason after 1999. I still had some success here and there but it was fewer and farther in between. I had a new teacher named Gale Peterson who was great but somehow I just never played as well. I was way too tough on myself and just didn’t have the deep-down belief in myself that you need to be the best. The tour was changing as well. Technology had made hitting the ball a long way more and more important and I was always a shorter hitter. So I struggled on some courses and got away from doing what I did best which was to just get the ball in the hole no matter what! I was working just as hard but not getting results so mid-way through the 2006 season, I started to think about retirement. Looking back, maybe I should have retired then and gone out with some better memories. But I wanted to give it one last shot. I worked really hard mentally and physically before the 2007 season, but it was not meant to be and I had my worse year ever. I retired in the Fall of that year.

I am proud of my career on the LPGA and am still proud to be an LPGA member. I had a pretty amazing 19 year run. I have regrets, but for a girl from Baltimore I didn’t do too bad! I met my husband. I made over 3 million in career earnings. I met a ton of friends, made more memories and had more opportunities than you can imagine. All of this because I was able to hit a little white ball into a hole. Pretty freakin’ cool!

After graduation, I spent the summer playing in tournaments and working on my golf game.  I was given an exemption into an LPGA tourney played at Bethesda CC.  I played well that week and was encouraged by a friend who was on tour to give the LPGA qualifying a try.  My plans originally were to try to play some mini-tour events to get myself ready.  She said the best place to gain experience would be at the Q-School, so on her advice, I signed up and was on my way.  I made it through the first stage on the number and then was off to the finals in Houston.  I still remember the tiny little rental car, my brand new Jones golf bag with my name on it and trying to find a guy named “Coffee Joe” to hook me up with a caddy.  I was so naive and young!  I played great the first 3 rounds and was in a tie for 5th place going into the last day.  I slept for about 5 minutes that night knowing that if I showed up to the tee I would be playing on the LPGA!  Well I made it to the tee and that was the highlight of that day.  I choked my guts out but still had enough of a cushion and got my LPGA card!

To say I was a rookie was an understatement.  I was so intimidated, I didn’t go into the locker room for the first 3 events.  I also didn’t break 80 until Hawaii where it rained so much, we were forced to play only 16 holes.  My first made cut came in Tucson and I think I made a whopping $369.  I wish I had saved that check but at the time we needed the money and it was deposited immediately into the bank.  I was gaining valuable experience though and enjoyed life on tour.  I didn’t play that great, but was feeling more comfortable as the year wore on.  In late summer of that year, I began dating my future husband who was caddying for another player.  Our first date was to a Baltimore Orioles game (he remembers Nolan Ryan was pitching but I don’t)  during that same LPGA event in Bethesda.  After a week off, I was still aglow about my new man, and came to Rhode Island for the Ocean State Open.  Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!!  I had won an LPGA event in my rookie year!  As I look back now, I am amazed. I had a great week and I won.  I thought that’s how the tour worked.  I would find in the coming years how wrong I was.

My second year on tour was a struggle.  I played terrible throughout the year.  I was feeling pressure financially.  I had no real direction with my game.  Because of my win, I earned a 5 year exemption.  Thank Goodness!  Without that win, who knows what direction my life would have taken.  I often think of the choices that we make-however small- and how they affect the rest of our lives.  What if I never started playing golf?  What if I chose James Madison instead of Longwood?  What if I had skipped the event in Rhode Island?  What if I had done a cannonball instead of a dive? But I did win that tournament and I still had an LPGA card and I was not going to go down without a fight! That Fall I hooked up with a couple of guys from Pennsylvania who sponsored me and helped with my finances. I also started taking lessons from DeDe Owens.  By my third year on tour, my game had turned around and I was on my way to a pretty successful 19 year run.

Longwood College now called Longwood University is located in Farmville, VA. It was a 4 hour drive from my home in Baltimore which was the perfect distance for me. I was close enough that if I needed to, I could go home. But I was far enough, that I couldn’t go home all of the time. I had a fantastic time in college and often wish I could go back! I understand those people who chose to skip school. I am a big believer that no one knows the right choice except for that individual, but college was great and I would not trade my time there for all of the riches in the world. I was 1 of 6 incoming freshman on the Longwood golf team. My very first tournament at our home course I started 3-3-3…Birdie, Eagle, Par. I was on my way and my game really blossomed. We had our own golf course and I would go early and practice on my own before our organized practice. Farmville was a small town with not much to do-so I was either playing and practicing or enjoying the social aspects of college life. I graduated cum laude in 4 years with a degree in Business Administration with a Finance concentration. Leaving campus that day, I knew things would never be the same.

I was born in Baltimore in 1966. That makes me almost 45. Yikes, I can’t believe I am that old. I really don’t feel it, but I do have the wrinkles to prove it. I am the third of four kids born to Norma and Bill. I had a pretty normal childhood. I remember being happy and content and not having much to worry about when I was little. I started playing golf in 1978. My mom started playing with the ladies at the Country Club where we were members because my dad worked for Bethlehem Steel. My dad grew up caddying as a kid and my mom taking up the game made him start to play more regularly again. I have fond memories of summers spent playing golf, swimming, and hanging out at the club.

Things changed in the Fall of 1980. My dad was diagnosed with cancer and died in December of that year. I remember my mom telling me that I should continue to play golf because there would maybe be a chance of a future golf scholarship. She was right. I continued to play in local tournaments and gained the attention of a few schools. I chose Longwood College and enrolled in the Fall of 1984.